Penelope’s P’s & Q’s

I have given you one week.

You have had seven days to realize that the resolutions you made are pointless (if not already broken). Being the golden-hearted woman that I am, I’ve compiled a list of resolutions that can be followed effortlessly. It’s not to late to pick these up, so repeat after me:

I, (state your name), RESOLVE to stop using the term “swag”; I don’t know what it means, and I don’t possess it anyway.

I RESOLVE to break free from the obligation to make my resolutions rhyme with the year we’re entering. I know that I did not effectively “make ‘em hate” last year, and this year…well if I haven’t been “fine” up to this point…

I RESOLVE to leave my friends alone and accept them as they are. I know that every year I threaten to cut every fake and negative person out of my life, and every year I f*** with the same people anyway. So, this year, I’ll save us all the trouble. After all, birds of a feather…

I RESOLVE to calculate the net profit of my past resolutions. Chances are, the “grinding” and “hustling” I thought I was doing just didn’t pan out. I know now that resolutions do not pay bills. What does pay bills? A good job, smart investments, and sound planning. I will look into those things, and stop waiting until December 31 to think about how broke I am.

I RESOLVE to abandon the process of self-declaration. Any changes I make or any goals I accomplish will be recognized by those around me without my announcement of it. As such, I will stop referring to myself as “the realest dude you’ll ever meet,” etc.

I RESOLVE to not dub 2009 as “my year”. I said that about ‘08, too.

In fact, I resolve to stop making resolutions altogether.

…As always, I am a respector of everyone’s free will. So if you want to continue to make your own set of self-promises each January, go ahead. One of two things will occur. You’ll realize that self-betterment is a process that one should undertake every day, not waiting for the change of a calendar to prompt a change in our lives. Or, you’ll forget you made these resolutions by February, and happily make the exact same ones next year.

Happy 09,

Penelope